ok so i'm livin back in iowa at g'mas again. i thought this would be a short thing but it's not. i'm havin no luck in finding a job here. i'm gettin so depressed that i don't even wanna go out and get one. life really sux here. i came back to be w/kyle but of course he changed his mind like normal. i'm glad that i'm starting to get interested in another but who knows how that will go. since i came back i've been spending a lot of time w/kaitlin. i'm really gonna miss her when i move away from this place. even if it's to cr i'm gonna miss her cuz i can't just walk across the driveway and hang out w/her. i'm kinda missin my mom for some reason. i got into kirkwood but that's not gonna help me any cuz i wont be makin money from that. my mom wont give me any money which really pisses me off b/c it's not like she has to pay for anything since i live in a totally different state than here. wow talkin about this is makin me cry. i just wish she were more supportive. it's like she thinks she can have a kid and it not cost her anything....not just money wise but like mentally or anything. she doesn't call me and even ask about me. as i get older it gets harder on me b/c she's not gonna be there when i get married or have my first kid. i wish we had a better relationship so she could be there w/me holding my hand thru the stuff like that. anyways i'm tryin to get on a normal sleep schedule but i can't.
Miss Amanda Rae
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